Tuesday, April 17, 2012
A Shift in Expectations....... with a Little Help from My Friends
As is evident by my last post I am struggling with my expectations. As I said in that post not having a frame of reference has affected me. It's left me unable to get a handle on what was realistic. The comments on that post really helped me realize the errors of my thinking. There were definitely aspects of my disease that I had forgotten or didn't realize the trauma they represented that in turn have affected my recovery. Then I remembered a friend who had experienced a debilitating illness and I remembered wondering why it had taken so long for her to recover. I decided I would call her for a healthy dose of perspective. It was a very helpful phone call. While her illness was different from mine, her body's response to her trauma was similar to what I experienced. That helped me see I am expecting way too much of myself and that in turn is hindering my recovery. I don't like the little bits of work I can do each day or the days I can do practically nothing but I do now see it's not something I have control over. I now get my lack of motivation is not some character flaw but a measure of my healing. Trying to push through it is not making me stronger. It is slowing things down. Patience may not be my long suit but I'm going to have to figure out how to muster up enough to get me back on my feet for real. I can clearly see my lack of it has made me my own worst enemy. I'm hoping I can get a real handle on it so I can put this portion of my life behind me sooner instead of later.